From Sand to Steel
by someoneintheshadow456
Summary: A series of poems about Satsuki that were written during the series' original run
1. Corruption in the Blood

**NOTE: THIS IS A COMPILATION OF THE KLK POEMS I HAD POSTED BEFORE, BUT I DELETED TWO OF THEM BECAUSE OF THE EVENTS OF EPISODE 18. **

**THE FIRST THREE POEMS ARE 3RD PERSON/SATSUKI POV, THE LAST IS FROM KANEO TAKARADA'S POV.**

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING**

* * *

Parents are protectors and providers  
Parents love and care for their children  
It is because of our parents that we are able to follow the right path

It was a universal truth, something all children knew

And yet for her, nothing could be further from the truth

It was no surprise. She was not like other children.

She was envied for her status, admired for her charisma, and treated as royalty due to her legacy

But she was miserable, she hated herself, she hated those around her...

But most of all, she hated her mother

Mothers are caregivers  
Mothers nurture their children  
They are supposed to help and not hurt them

So then, why was her mother so different?

Other children cried when separated from their mothers

She cried for each minute she wasn't

Other children ran to their mothers when scared

She ran from her mother, her greatest fear

Other mothers taught their children to be good

Hers taught her to embrace villainy and ruthlessness

Other mothers wanted the happiness of their children

Hers took away everything that made her happy

When other mothers gave their children affection

Her mother made her hate physical contact, to the point where even the slightest touch made her nauseous

It was ironic, even laughable

She represented purity

Yet thanks to her mother she was anything but

She was corrupted in the mind, body, and soul

And no matter what, she could never be clean, even when she bathed

Sadly, it was nothing new to her

In fact, it was almost routine, and it had been since she was as young as five years old

She remembered staring into the distance with glassy eyes, shaking like a leaf, and crying until her eyes gave out

She remembered feeling a sense of pain, disgust, and violation

A feeling it took her years to understand

She recalled her father's anguished cries when she told him who the culprit was

And because she told him, she had to witness her father being beaten for her sake

There was no one that could protect her, so she had to protect herself

She made herself unfeeling, resilient, she learned to disconnect herself from the here and now

And soon, what was once a horrific experience became a mere nuisance

But how long could this go on?

How much more of this nuisance could she take?

Would she have to remain a prisoner of her mother for the rest of her life?

Then it struck her...

Today would be the last time.

She would finally put an end to this vicious cycle of exploitation

She would tolerate it no more, she would cower no longer

For it was time for her mother to realize something she should have long ago

You can oppress her

You can torment her

But if you do it long enough... You will break her

And if you break her

You will suffer...


	2. Apology

I remember father telling me  
Of the day you came into this world  
He said it was one of the happiest days of his life  
He told me of when I first saw you  
He said that I would peer over the crib  
And smile at you when our eyes would meet  
He said I was overjoyed  
He said that you were a marvel to me  
And then he grew sad  
And told me that day was also the saddest day of his life  
He said that the day you were born, you were taken from me  
And promptly thrown into the jaws of death  
He shivered when he recalled my cries, he said that I understood, even as a baby  
The day I first saw you...  
It was also the day I lost you forever  
After that, I longed for you  
I imagined you were there, I imagined you were still alive  
I would dress you  
Play with you  
Teach you about the world  
I would show off to you  
I always said I was better than you  
I would pull your hair  
And call you names  
If you did the same to me, I would run to father and tell him  
And he would admonish you, and tell you to run along  
They all knew I was lonely  
They knew how much I needed you  
And yet they humoured this sad little girl who needed you so  
I grew up cold, I grew up with a heart of steel  
I grew up with one purpose in mind  
I wanted to avenge you, and get back at this cruel world  
For taking you from me  
I wanted you to rest easy knowing that horrible monster is gone  
And now I see you...  
I see you standing there  
I see that you were always there  
You were right in front of my eyes  
And only know I realized you were here  
You suffered, you struggled, you cried so much  
You came so far on your own, with nobody to protect you  
I see you curse me, lash out at me, I see I am scum in your eyes  
I want to die, I want to end myself for all that I've done  
But before I do that, I want to say to you  
I want you to call out to me  
I want you to run to me  
I want you to cry on my shoulder  
And I want to comfort you, and tell you it's all over  
And that I'll always be there for you, and get you through the darkness  
I want to compensate for all those lost years  
I want to repent for the hell I put you through  
So I want to protect you with all my strength  
So whatever happens, whatever, I say or do...  
I just want you to know that I love you  
And I just want to say...  
I'm sorry


	3. Never Wake Up

I wake to a piercing sound  
The phone on the top bunk rings loudly, as though to tell me the day had started  
I groggily climb down the ladder and find my sister still sound asleep  
She was always a heavy sleeper, so I wake her by lightly slapping her face  
I call her lazy and a sleepyhead  
She yells at me for waking her  
We continue to argue, jokingly insulting each other as we get ready for school  
We run downstairs and see mother making breakfast  
She is as well dressed as ever, ready for another day at work  
Father is also ready, but he just wears a simple lab coat  
He scrutinises the newspaper, his eyebrows furrowing as he reads the news  
We eat quickly and then bid farewell to our parents  
We race each other to school, as we do every day  
And then we part ways to attend our classes  
I listen, I take notes, I groan at the mention of homework or tests, like any student would  
At lunch, we all meet  
Me, my sister, and our friends  
And we eat and talk about the trivial dramas of school  
And after classes, we attend club meetings  
And then after a long and hard day, we return home  
Mother and father are there at the dinner table  
We talk about our day, our classes, who said and did what  
Mother and father talk about their jobs  
They ask us what homework we have, they remind us to do our chores, they reprimand us when we don't finish everything on our plate  
We spend the evening doing homework, or watching TV, or on our cell phones or computers  
Mother yells at us for staying up too late  
We protest, and say we are old enough to do as we like  
She doesn't back down, and turns the TV off, saying that we can't afford to stay up at our age  
We argue no more and go to our bedroom  
Then before I rest my eyes, I ask my sister...  
"Do you find our lives dreary? Don't you wish for something more than the ordinary?"  
My sister laughs, and then she tells me  
"A mundane life is what some people crave. We don't know how lucky we are."  
I sigh, and I go to sleep, thinking about what she told me...  
I awake  
Not to the ringing of my phone, but the rattling of chains  
It is dark  
I feel cold  
I feel tired, hungry, dehydrated  
I feel excruciating pain all over my body  
But especially my arms  
I cannot move  
I cannot speak  
I feel like I want to die  
Where are my parents?  
Where is my sister?  
Where are my friends?  
Where has everyone gone? Why am I so alone?  
Then I remember what I so badly want to forget...  
My father left me when I was young, and died protecting the sister I never knew  
My sister thinks I'm evil incarnate, and hates every fibre of her being for her relation to me  
My friends are somewhere out there, fighting for their lives and for the sake of humanity  
And as I hear the clack of heels, I remember the worst part of all  
My mother never treated me with love  
She never cared for my welfare or happiness  
I am nothing more than her tool, a way of achieving her own twisted ends  
My mother is a monster  
She taunts me  
She mocks me  
She strips me of my dignity and pride  
She cackles like a demon, and then leaves me to rot like a caged bird  
And when I am sure I am alone  
I try to forget...  
I try to sleep again  
I will wake in the middle of the night screaming  
And my sister will climb to the top bunk  
And reassure me that it was just a terrible nightmare  
Then the next day I will tell Mom and Dad about my dream  
And they will tell me they will never hurt me  
They will tell me they will always love me  
But no matter how much I try to delude myself  
I know I will wake up here  
I will wake up tugging at the chains with all my might  
I will wake up contemplating how to break from this prison  
I will wake cursing my fate and she who put me through all this suffering  
I will wake screaming my lungs out  
Cackling hysterically  
Biting my lips until I taste blood  
Panting, hyperventilating, begging for help  
Begging for death  
Crying until my eyes give out  
Longing for the end to come


	4. You Cannot Buy Me Love

The day we first met is still fresh in my mind

Among the chatter of pompous diplomats, the luxurious surroundings, the chaotic yet orderly festivities

You stood out from all the rest

You cared not for riches, for fame, for the privileges that came with your status

You seemed to have a greater purpose in mind

You were firm, yet compassionate

You were ruthless, but benevolent

You were alluring, yet capable of striking fear in my heart

I looked at you, and then looked at me

I seemed so greedy, petty, and small minded; I could never hold a candle to you

From the moment I laid eyes on you, I decided I would get to know you better

We struck up conversation, albeit quite awkwardly

We walked around the ballroom together, discussing ourselves and our situations

Then I asked you for a dance

I expected cold rejection, but you smiled at me and took my hand

As we were children, our steps were quite clumsy

Yet I wanted time to freeze at that moment, so I could be this close to you

I thought that would be the last time

But I caught sight of your bright blue eyes in the mass of nervous first year students

I was overjoyed

I ran to you, eager to see if you remembered me

You did, and we saw each other every day

I would pass you notes in class, we would look over each other's books

We would eat lunch together and discuss the world we lived in

One day I noticed you were not your usual self

You were talking to me normally enough, and you were just as ambitious as ever

But your eyes were lifeless

I asked you what the matter was, but you refused to tell me

Then I realized that there was another side to you

You were empty

You were lonely

You were suffering, but I had no idea why

I thought it was because you were kept from the world

So I showed it to you

I took you from place to place, so you could see there was more than the desolate manor you lived in

All the days I took you out, you were happy

I had never seen you give a genuine smile before

It made me love you more than ever

One night, when we walked across the pier

I told you how much I loved you

Your eyes grew wide, and you raised an eyebrow in confusion

As though you did not understand the meaning of the word

And then I wrapped my arms around you

But when I tried to kiss you

You began to tremble, and you screamed in shock

You freed yourself from my grip, and punched my face, staring at me in terror

Then you fled the scene, as though for your very life

From that day, you avoided me

You kept me at arm's length; you treated me like a predator out to hunt you down

I did not understand

What had I done wrong?

Why did you hate me so?

Did your family tell you to avoid me?

Our families fought constantly, but why couldn't we be together?

For years and years I had these questions in my head

Questions that could never be answered

I knew I would never see you again

So I gave up on being a better person

I turned to my riches, luxuries, and decadence to fill the void in my soul

But just when I thought I had forgotten you completely

You stood before me as an enemy

By that point I resented you, I despised you for the years of loneliness you put me through

Yet as much as I tried, I could not fight you without holding back

And I suffered from miserable defeat

But now, none of that matters

Because only now, many years after you separated yourself from me

I understand why

I curse myself for being clueless

I regret being so powerless, helpless, so blind to your torment

So now I will give my all, every bill in my wallet, every fibre of my being, every drop of blood

I will give it all to save you from the jaws of hell

Then I will reassure you that nobody can hurt you again

Then I will help you to heal, and hopefully, you will learn to trust me

And maybe, just maybe, feel for me as I do for you

Because you made me see past worldly desires

You completed me when nobody else could

I don't care if I have nothing, because now I know

All the money I had, all the money you had, it could have bought you anything

But it could not buy you love


End file.
